Ever felt like you're destined to stay behind the scenes, even when you've got the talent to shine? Let me take you on a journey—a personal story about the fear of being seen and learning to accept recognition.
Growing up, I always found it challenging to be acknowledged for my skills. My original business was aptly named "Behind the Scene Queen" because I was brilliant at what I did, but always in the background. Pushing others forward became my comfort zone.
But then, life threw me a curveball.
I’m at the end of my first year in Interfaith Ministry Training. Which sounds very seminary and academic, but it’s so much more than that. So far it’s felt like a year of shadow work!
Anyway, one of my classmates hasn’t been doing too well. I reached out privately and offered her a hypnotherapy recording to help with healing.
With her permission, I crafted an audio session with healing hertz of 332 sound frequency, embedded with subliminals and cell commands and then sent it her way. Immediately after, fear kicked in. What if she mentioned it in our next class?
The thought of public acknowledgment filled me with dread.
Why was I so afraid?
Why did I instantly feel shame around it?
I hadn’t done anything wrong?
My intentions were clear.
Why the same and fear of her potentially thanking me in front of others?
I closed my eyes and used an affect bridge technique to trace the feeling back to its roots.
Suddenly, I was back in primary school, around 8 or 9 years old. It was the last day of the school year, and we were at the park. I spotted a classmate talking to a strange man, the man trying to open the gate for my classmate to leave the park with him - and sensing danger, I ran to tell a teacher.
I remember the teacher approaching the man and him running off, and that was the end of it.
When school resumed, during an assembly, they praised me for my bravery and called me on stage to receive a little badge. This was the first time I’d ever gotten a badge for something. It felt nice. I was proud of myself. In that moment, I liked being me.
I felt proud, but then I saw my classmates' dirty looks. Later, they accused me of seeking attention and undeserved praise.
It crushed my spirit and friendships.
From that moment on, any praise or thanks triggered that same feeling of having done something wrong.
Seeking attention.
Words would whisper ‘ who does she think she is’.
Years later, stepping out from the shadows to offer help still carries that baggage.
But here's the thing, beautiful: Just because I shine doesn't mean you don't.
We can all f** shine, you know what I mean? It's about embracing our true selves and celebrating each other's light, not dimming it to make someone else feel comfortable or even recognise their own.
From that pivotal moment in my childhood to now, I've learned that acknowledging your own light is not about overshadowing others; it's about recognising that we all have a unique brilliance to offer the world.
The journey to stepping out of the shadows is paved with challenges, but it's also filled with profound revelations and amazing breakthroughs.
As I navigate through my Interfaith Ministry Training, I've begun to understand that healing and transformation extend beyond ourselves. When we embrace our ability to shine, we inspire others to do the same. The hypnotherapy session I shared with my classmate wasn't just about helping her heal; it was a transformative experience for me as well. It was a reminder that courage and compassion can break the chains of old fears and insecurities.
So, how can we begin to step forward and celebrate our own talents? Here are a few lessons I've picked up along my journey:
Acknowledge Your Fears: Fear is natural, but it's essential to identify where it stems from. Understanding its roots can help us heal and move forward.
Embrace Your Strengths: We often downplay our abilities to avoid standing out, but acknowledging our gifts is the first step toward embracing our power.
Support Each Other: True success is collective. Celebrate the achievements of others while also recognising your own milestones.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. It's okay to feel vulnerable, and it's okay to shine.
Seek Healing: Whether through therapy, meditation, or spiritual practices, find what helps you heal past wounds and step into your light.
Every day is a new opportunity to step out from the shadows and shine.
Remember, your light doesn't diminish anyone else's; it only adds to the beautiful mosaic of humanity.
Experiences shape us, but sometimes it takes the world's acknowledgment or lack thereof to fully embed those experiences into our psyche. Over the years, I've been labelled "the diversity hire." This tag, wrapped in the guise of inclusivity, has often negated my skills and talent. Instead of being recognised for my capabilities, I was reduced to a token—a checkmark in a quota box.
No matter how hard I worked, how dedicated I was, there was always this nagging doubt: "Am I here because I deserve to be, or am I just filling a slot?"
This perception wasn't just an internal struggle; it was reinforced by those around me. Colleagues, intentionally or unintentionally, projected their assumptions onto me, overshadowing my achievements and capabilities.
These labels, these external judgments, felt like invisible chains.
Each time I achieved something, there was a shadow lurking, whispering, "Is this because of your skills or because of the box you check?"
This narrative was exhausting and unfair, chipping away at my confidence.
But here's the silver lining: I learned that these external labels only have the power we give them. The journey of moving past this stigma starts with recognising our own worth, independent of societal tags. It's about reclaiming your narrative and understanding that your value is intrinsic, not assigned.
To anyone who's ever felt like their achievements are undermined by labels, here's what I've come to learn:
Validate Your Worth Internally: External validation is fleeting. Real strength comes from knowing and believing in your own capabilities.
Challenge Perceptions: Don’t be afraid to address and challenge the assumptions made about you.
Focus on Your Journey: Understand that everyone's journey is unique. Embrace your path and recognise your achievements along the way.
Build Your Support System: Surround yourself with people who see you for who you are and not the labels imposed on you.
Celebrate Your Wins: No matter how big or small, your accomplishments are yours. Celebrate them wholeheartedly.
Know that we are so much more than the boxes they try to put us in.
But, to truly understand the complexity of stepping into one's light, let me share another pivotal moment.
A few years back, during my counselling training, I began with hypnotherapy. One particular assignment had us develop a comprehensive treatment plan for a hypothetical client case given by our teacher. This assignment was a 5,000-word free-form project and allowed complete creative freedom in crafting our approach.
I was ecstatic. Hypnotherapy was my forte—I not only understood it, but I overstood it. With Hypnotherapy and trancework, everything made sense.
Like, I got it! Really got it. I could see so much of what would be achieved with it from the get-go.
So, I dived headfirst into the assignment, spending an entire month researching, analysing, and meticulously detailing my treatment plan. I knew, regardless of the mark I’d receive, I had given everything; I left no crumbs on the table. My paper was a pure reflection of my passion and me. It was ‘me’ on paper.
When I received my marks, they were good, and the tutor acknowledged that he could see what I put into it. I was happy with that - end of.
A week later, during a Zoom class (thanks to COVID), the tutor made an unexpected announcement. He said, “I don’t normally shout out anyone, but Lavinia, has submitted something remarkable.”
His words lifted my spirit; it felt amazing to be recognised for my hard work and understanding.
However, that euphoria was short-lived. A week later, a fellow student rang me. He shared that my public acknowledgment wasn’t fair, as it could make others feel small. Once again, praise was followed by shame. The cycle repeated—celebration met with contemplation.
This moment reminded me of how deeply ingrained societal perceptions can be.
Even when we do our best, (and don't ask for attention) there's this looming fear of overshadowing others. Yet, this isn’t just about me; it’s a reflection of a broader societal issue.
The constant balance of pride and humility can be draining.
Yet, I've come to realise that dimming our light doesn’t truly help anyone. If anything, it hinders progress—for ourselves and others.
From that experience, I learned that:
Passion is Invaluable: When you pour your heart into something, it shows. Don’t let external opinions diminish your passion.
Constructive Praise: Being recognised for your hard work isn’t about making others feel small; it’s about setting a standard and showcasing what’s possible.
Empathy and Understanding: While it’s essential to be kind and considerate, it’s also crucial to uplift and support each other’s achievements.
Own Your Journey: Everyone’s path is unique. Just because someone gets praised doesn’t mean others are any less valuable.
Navigating through these experiences has been eye-opening. It’s taught me to embrace my achievements, to celebrate my journey, and to be proud of my capabilities—without guilt.
So here's to recognising and breaking free from these invisible chains, to letting our lights shine as brightly as they can, and to inspiring others to do the same.
The world needs more of that brilliant glow.
Over the next few months I’ll be crafting a ritual and ceremony.
A ritual for ‘Little Lavinia’, who did nothing wrong at school who was given the energy of shame to carry. It’s not hers to carry.
And a ceremony for Adult Lavinia, who will forever be a student and a teacher, who knows her shit.
A ceremony to welcome her in, to embody the natural talent and skills learned on this journey to be able to help people heal.
Walk With Me
Lavinia x
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